If cancer is playing for keeps, so am I. None of this half-ass, tepid, partway change. No more dabbling at diets, sipping Essiac tea, listening to tapes, playing at meditation, pretending to change. Less time reading about diets; more time eating better. Less time in superficial smiles; more time in deep bellylaughs. Less dying; more living. Less worry; more prayer.
In her song, "Change," Tracy Chapman asks:
If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
. . .
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
Don't make her ask again. Cancer is a message to change. It is not a message to think about change. I don't know what the outcome will be, not of this, not of any of it. Those decisions are way above my pay grade. All I can do is put my heart into it, play for keeps.
Like a dog, cancer can sense your fear. I hear the growl, feel the hot breath and see bared teeth. But do you see my teeth, now? I am not smiling. I am laughing. I am not afraid. Fear is a distraction from the work, the real work of living, here and now, the real work of playing for keeps.
No retreat, no surrender, no regrets.
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2 comments:
Hey R,
Thanks for dropping by my blog before the holidays. I came by here and read and was going to post later. Well, it's much later, and I'm glad I found my way back here.
I love what you're doing here and am glad to be able to keep tabs on you and what you're up to.
You offer lots to ponder.
thanks,
-e
Mind if I link your blog on mine?
E,
Thanks for stopping by. Please do add the link. I write for myself but would welcome visitors. I'm still digging here . . . and the hole is getting deeper.
R
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